Happiness

I'm suffering under such extreme PSM today that I'm convinced I'm not happy, I've never been happy and I never will be.  I'm just not very good at being content.  Writing this makes me worry somehow that it will be truer.  I live in fantasy land. The tall blonde gorgeous man fantasy. The American man fantasy.  The travel fantasy. I need to start enjoying my life now! I need to stop worrying about keeping up with the Jonses and start just doing what makes me happy.  I don't even know what that is though.  I can't commit to even liking anything since it might 'say something about' me.  Is that even true? I'm not sure if I actually think that.  Can I not commit to anything? sure I can't comit to any paintings or other decor in my room but that's cause I don't want to feel settled here. I want to move home SOON.  Most people bug me or I find dull or I figure are too cool to be interested in me. aarrgh. I've eaten my whole week's supply of weight watchers chocolate bars and my next meeting (yes it is like AA) is not for another 5 days.  I'd better get my period tomorrow or things are going to be difficult.